Those three words
by HRL
Summary: "I love you." Every time one of them was about to die, he would say those three words to the other. But this time, everything happened too fast and neither of them even had time to even think about those three words. Mostly Canon compliant - Spoilers for 12x23


Hi guys !

I don't write as much as I did a few years ago (even if it was for another fandom and in another language) but I had the idea for this little One-Shot this morning and litterally wrote down ideas every time I had 5 minutes to do so (yup, even at work). It's too rare for me to be so inspired so I had to finish this today.  
Here's my way of dealing with the pain the end of season 12 left us with. It's probably depressing but hopefully you will like it !

Sorry for any mistakes/typos, english isn't my first language even if I'm trying to pretend I am fluent haha

Enjoy :)

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"I love you."

Every time one of them was about to die, they would say those three words to each other. But this time, everything happened too fast and neither of them even had time to even think about those three words.

It had started shyly, a few years before, and had almost become a ritual ever since.

The first time it happened, neither of them actually said those words. Castiel was being brainwashed by the other angels, his "family" and he was obviously struggling between what he was ordered to do and what he actually wanted to do. Dean realized that even though the angel had been tortured for weeks, which definitely explained his weird behavior of the past days, he was still fighting for his free will, and most of all, he was still trying to protect Dean.

This was the moment Dean realized he was more afraid of losing the angel forever than of being killed. Cas had his blade raised in the air, ready to murder him, and the only thing he could do was cling to the angel, hold his wrist and hope that he would see in his eyes how much the hunter loved him.

He managed to moan "Cas…Cas I know you're in there. I know you can hear me. Cas, it's me! We're family… we need you… I need you." As soon as the words were spoken, Dean knew they weren't strong enough to describe his feelings, but it seemed like it was strong enough for the angel to snap out of this trance and drop his blade.

Then, the angel had apologized and left with the tablet. By the time he came back, so much has happened that they never spoke about the words that had been said.

The second time it happened, it was just a text.

They had said goodbye in Lawrence, Kansas, because Dean wanted to visit his mother's grave just one last time before facing the Darkness. He was literally a bomb, loaded with souls, ready to explode and he was going to a certain death, but he was mostly at peace.

He had had time to say goodbye to his family and he knew he was doing the right thing. He just had that one last regret and he knew he had to do something about it. Right before entering the garden where Amara was waiting, he took his phone out of his pocket, typed the three words and hit "send" before having any second thoughts.

He was about to die anyway so he had nothing to lose. He wished he could have seen the angel's face when reading the text though. He had wanted to tell him at the cemetery, when Cas hugged him. And again when Cas offered to come with him. To die with him. But everybody was around him and it was too intimidating. Even God was there, and the step was way too big for him to take it, even though he suspected Chuck to know about his feelings for the angel. So even if that made him the biggest coward ever created, it was easier that way.

But then, he didn't die.

He was alive and he had his mother back, and it was a lot to process so he didn't even think about the text until he was back to the bunker, face to face with the angel. He barely had time to think about the awkward situation he might have put himself in though. Within seconds Cas had jumped into his arms and hugged him desperately, as if his life depended on it.

"I got your text." He whispered against the hunter's shoulder, tightening his embrace.

Dean sighed, relieved by his best friend's reaction and the smiled he had on that face at this moment was probably the happiest one in years. Maybe this was a good idea after all, maybe the consequences of his text could be good. He was almost ready to take the angel's face in his hands and kiss him with passion when he remembered that his mother, who had been ready to kill Cas barely a minute before was watching and he had a lot to explain. He also remembered the blood on the floor and Sam's absence.

It wasn't the right time but he hope he would find that right time in the near future. Instead, he squeezed gently the angels' arm to let him know he heard him. Then, he reluctantly ended their hug and Cas started asking questions really fast.

"Dean ! You're alive ? What about the bomb? The Darkness? What happened?"

"I'll tell you everything." Replied Dean in a soothing tone, But he was worried: "Where is Sam?"

But then, it had happened again. A third time, several months later, But for the first time, the words came out of the angel.

He had looked at Dean and told him he loved him. He had told Sam, Mary and Dean he loved them, but Dean knew one of his "I love you" was directed at him, echoing the words he had texted almost a year earlier. That's when he realized he was about to lose the angel, again, and he didn't know what to do. His brain seemed frozen, he couldn't think about a way to save the angel. His angel.

However, this time, neither of them said the words. They didn't even have time to realize what was going on. Their barely had time to share one last gaze before the blade came right through the angel's heart. Then it was just blinding light as the grace was leaving the angel's body. The only thing Dean could scream was "No!" because he realized Cas couldn't even hear him anymore as he was dying, so quickly, right in front of him. He was frozen, and before he even had time to process what was happening, his mother was gone too.

That was it. His whole world was destroyed, his heart was broken and even if he wanted his little brother to be okay, he couldn't even manage to feel relieved that he was alive, next to him. He was so numb, but in so much pain at the same time.

He fell to his knees and looked at the sky, waiting desperately for a sign, something that would tell him that someone was going to help him. Nothing happened and his eyes found their way to the angel's face as he tried to whisper: "I love you", but his throat was too tight. He was suffocating. There was no way he was going to say those words to Cas without having him being able to answer. He had to find a way bring him back.

And this time, those three words were going to be the first ones he would say to him.


End file.
